Derpy's shiny new thingy
by SmilingShadowS
Summary: I have to apologize right now for anyone who reads this.


"Come on, Derpy, I need to test the spell out on someone! I'm sorry I can't pay you in muffins, I just want to test it for free!" whined Twilight. She'd been at it for the last three hours.

"Fine! Why not?! Yolo, or whatever the hell it is! Just _please_ don't mess up. By the way, what was the spell you wanted to try?" said Derpy, finally submitting.

"Oh, it's nothing, just giving you temporary horn, like I gave Rarity temporary wings a while back." she explained.

"That's all? Well, hit me with your best shot." Derpy said, smiling. Her eyes slowly rotated as if they were controlled by two different brains.

"Here goes nothing..." said Twilight, starting the spell and taking aim at Derpy's head. Suddenly, Twilight sneezed, releasing the spell too far below the target.

"Well? did it work?" asked Derpy.

"No... I think you should check, your, uh, privates. Oh, shit, this isn't good." said Twilight. Derpy looked between her legs, and down hung a ten inch penis.

"YOU... YOU BITCH! NOW I'M... wait, now I can have sex with another mare. Or, better yet, I can decorate it and show it off! Thanks Twilight!" Derpy said, trotting off at a diagonal angle.

"Oh, okay then, um, bye Derpy, I guess." said Twilight. "Damn, that is one fucked up pony..."

* * *

Fluttershy was speaking to Rainbow Dash in Ponyville's center when she saw a gray blob coming haphazardly towards them. As it neard, she could see that it was Derpy, the male-mare. Suddenly, Derpy started flying and hovered above the pair.

"No, I'm serious, Fluttershy, he was- OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" screaming Rainbow. Fluttershy looked up to see what Rainbow was looking at. she saw a large penis hanging own only an inch form her head. It was covered in glitter and had blobs of icing on it.

"Um, Derpy? Since when do you have a dick?" Rainbow said.

"Not that it's not a nice penis, it's that it's-" Fluttershy was cut off by the penis being shoved into her mouth. she tried to spit it out, but it seemed that it had glue on it as well. She would have to wait until the glue dissolved on her tongue or just got wet enough for her to slip out.

She flew off dragging Derpy along with embarrassed tears in her eyes.

* * *

After a long three hours, of waiting at Fluttershy's house, the glue let up enough for the penis to slip out.

"Thanks for the blow jobs, Fluttershy!" said Derpy, slowly trotting off backwards while holding one hoof in the air.. Fluttershy's sobs had caused an ecstasy for Derpy. Even though she was enjoying it, she just sat there eating muffin after muffin for the entirety of the time, all the while orgasming into Fluttershy's mouth at random times.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE please." said Fluttershy.

* * *

Derpy flew to Twilight's library (and hit a light post, and mule, a wagon, a train, a small child, a familiar apple vendor, a slot machine, a robot, a prostitute, a chicken coop, Fluttershy again, the same mule as before, a Pokemon card, the only African-American in Antarctica, my brother's hat, a water bottle, and three separate buildings along the way). Suddenly, she had a revelation.

"I can STAND WHEN I PEE NOW!" she yelled. Twilight was in the restroom and couldn't hear Derpy. Derpy, in the meantime, decided to make immediate use of her new-found ability... by peeing on everything she could find.

Twilight came downstairs to find Derpy sleeping on the chandelier and everything else to be soaked in urine.

"How can anyone pee this much?!" she yelled. This woke Derpy up and made her fall from the chandelier onto Twilight. It seemed that Derpy herself was also wet with urine.

"You can handle that kind of power. I'm taking back the penis." said Twilight. Derpy just nodded and stood there with urine still slowly dripping out of her member. Twilight charged up a spell ad Derpy's crotch glowed bright green. When it dimmed down, the was nothing but a horse-gina.

"I will never test anything on you ever again." said Twilight, not facing Derpy. Suddenly she felt something large insert into her anus.

"Is that the penis?!" she asked.

"Nope," said Derpy, "It's just a candle :3"

Derpy walked off on her back, somehow managing to use her wings as legs.

"There is something fucked up in the head with that pony." said Twilight to herself. And Derpy was never heard from again. THE END.

* * *

**Hey there, it's me, BigBadFluttershy. I wrote this as a way to clear writers block and just 'cuz I'm special. I was not serious and I will not continue this. However, I may write more Derpy-themed stories in the future. Also, I apologize to anyone who read this. Really. I am seriously fucked up sometimes. Please, just read my other story or do pretty much anything else and get the image this story out of your head.**

**The pony that only cares a little bit, BigBadFluttershy.  
**


End file.
